MBA 優(yōu)秀statement of purpose范文評析
【W(wǎng)rite a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important professional and / or academic achievement to date.】
If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work.
【點(diǎn)評：】開頭段落撰寫非常不錯。作者在開頭部分對后續(xù)段落的內(nèi)容進(jìn)行簡要概括，同時有助于吸引讀者注意力-----激發(fā)了讀者好奇心，并使得讀者想繼續(xù)閱讀下去。
My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE - Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these experiences that have shaped the person that I am today.
【點(diǎn)評：】這段中，作者按照diversity這個線索進(jìn)行展開。論述中提到的一些方面比如很強(qiáng)的分析能力，數(shù)學(xué)技能以及工作經(jīng)驗，這些點(diǎn)對攻讀MBA非常重要的。作者在這段中說到自己在獲得學(xué)位過程中，沒有浪費(fèi)任何時間，而是不斷積累工作經(jīng)驗。段落中談到的做自愿者的經(jīng)歷對于申請MBA來說也是非常有優(yōu)勢，因為大學(xué)院校都喜歡有社會責(zé)任心的學(xué)生。所以當(dāng)你寫自己經(jīng)歷的時候必須要真實(shí)----在侃侃而談之前，確保你有真實(shí)的例子支撐，比如自愿者工作或其他社會工作，這樣敘述將大大增加可信度。作者最后一句對整段做了總結(jié)。
I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994.
【點(diǎn)評：】現(xiàn)在我們談?wù)劦谌?。作者按照diversity這個線索來安排文章內(nèi)容是不錯的?！癆mong other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University”這段作者暗示限于篇幅從這些經(jīng)歷中獲得很多無形財富無法展開敘述。緊接著作者談 'most important achievement'略顯有點(diǎn)唐突。
During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in touch with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes.
【點(diǎn)評：】第四段作者表面上是介紹作者自己處理一個難題，實(shí)際上說明兩點(diǎn)：
1.她一直在家族企業(yè)從事基礎(chǔ)工作，并且不斷需求工作上的改進(jìn)；
2.她對常見的軟件很熟悉，同時計算機(jī)技能熟練。
I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to a newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.
【點(diǎn)評：】第五段第一句咋一看給人感覺作者有點(diǎn)高傲自大，但是當(dāng)你閱讀完整段時候，就能看出作者真摯之心。
Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less than what they had anticipated.
【點(diǎn)評：】第六段緊接著第五段敘述，整段內(nèi)容系統(tǒng)，有組織，且經(jīng)過深思熟慮。(責(zé)任編輯：BUG)
本站僅提供存儲服務(wù)，所有內(nèi)容均由用戶發(fā)布，如發(fā)現(xiàn)有害或侵權(quán)內(nèi)容，請
點(diǎn)擊舉報。
