來源 | 幫課一線實戰(zhàn)群
學(xué)員提問：
HiXXX,
Glad to see you at MEDICA.
Here is XX, we are OEM/ODM Manufacturer of Medical devices with 17years in China, which has CE, ISO13485 certificated. We had the honor to serve the XXXX and XXXX with Online store and big distributor XXXX in Turkey.
We have special team work for after sales service. We are ready for signing contract with you in case you need it, Quality is our faith,The following are our advantages
1.17 years of experience in producing medical products
2. Top three medical product factories in China
3. CE ISO issued by SGS
4. Two-year warranty
5.8 production lines, monthly production capacity of 600,000 PCS, to provide the fastest delivery
6.I have 5 years of experience in exporting medical products, and my profession will help you earn more profits.
Attachment is new items and some information about our best seller, our factory and certificates, hope we can have long term business with you in near future.
老師們能否幫我點評一下這封開發(fā)信。
傳統(tǒng)開發(fā)信，太冗長了，“廢話”比較多...不夠精湛。
HelloX,
Here is XX, we are a 17 years experiences OEM/ODM Medical Devices manufacturer from China. (Medical Devices 加粗）
Our advantage: （加粗）
- Top three medical product factories at China
- Monthly production capacity of 600,000 PCS, quick delivery
- CE, ISO certificates issued by SGS
- Guaranteed warranty with good reputation from abroad
Let me know if any interest, will be happy to send you more details by return, thanks!
開發(fā)信講重點，摒棄那些不重要的詞語，能用一句話表達的不要用兩句話，能用一個單詞表達的不要用兩個單詞，
還有一個重點，第一封開發(fā)信不建議發(fā)附件哈，容易被攔截判斷成垃圾郵件啥的......客戶回復(fù)了再發(fā)附件內(nèi)容。
-Guaranteed warranty with good reputation from abroad
這句要不要提一些大品牌來支撐這句話。
你挺細心的，我剛也想要這點，怕加上太長，不過還是可以加的，顯得有逼格。
可以在這句話下面打個括號，在括號里面表現(xiàn)出來，但是要簡短一點（xxxxxx）
你理念是有的，就是一下子在郵件里表達太“多”了，“多”就顯得“亂”，其實很多點可以分開來表達，比如甚至郵件可以就兩句話，比如
Hello X,
Here is XX, we are a 17 years experiences OEM/ODM Medical Devices manufacturer from China. (Medical Devices 加粗）
We have CE, ISO certificates issued by SGS. （這句甚至也可以不加）
Let me know if any interest, thanks!
抬頭就寫
17 years experiences OEM/ODM Medical Devices manufacturer
或者
OEM/ODM Medical Devices manufacturer with CE, ISO certificates.
Hello X,
We produce Medical Devices 17 years now at China,
OEM/ODM service available.
Let me know if any interest, thanks!
Hello X,
OEM/ODM Medical Devices manufacturer from China.
Monthly production capacity of 600,000 PCS, quick delivery
Call me, let's talk more details!
Hello X,
Need high quality level medical devices?
XX, Top three medical product factories at China,
Monthly produce 600,000 PCS XX, quick delivery
Call me, let's talk more details!
等等還有很多種表達手法...
自己體會一下，這樣是否簡單干脆？當(dāng)然咱們這里的短是恰到好處的短，不是庸俗的短哈， 一封好的開發(fā)信得在茫茫郵件中瞬間吸引住客戶眼光，讓客戶停留，那就OK了。
就跟一些廣告詞一樣，越高層次的廣告越短，甚至以通俗易懂的表現(xiàn)模式表現(xiàn)出來，比如
“飄柔，就是這樣自信”
“怕上火喝王老吉”
“累了困了喝紅?！?br>“駕乘樂趣, 創(chuàng)新極限”（寶馬廣告語）
“領(lǐng)先, 因為不斷向前”（奔馳廣告語）
