這是上午正面管教創(chuàng)始人簡(jiǎn)·尼爾森（janeNelsen）博士在新浪網(wǎng)微訪談問(wèn)答的記錄。我準(zhǔn)備把它整理成博文（長(zhǎng)微博）方便大家看，剛整理出20條，現(xiàn)在工作有點(diǎn)忙下午繼續(xù)！
1、提問(wèn)：孩子單獨(dú)和父母是很好，但一旦和其他小朋友在一起他們就會(huì)失控，比如在餐館追逐，說(shuō)臟話，聽不見父母說(shuō)話，怎么辦？ 尼爾森：Don'ttalk--act. Take them by the hand and kindly and firmly lead themwhere they need to go.
（譯）不說(shuō)只做，和善而堅(jiān)定的拉著他們的手，帶他們?nèi)ニ麄冊(cè)撊サ牡胤健?/font>
2、提問(wèn):中國(guó)學(xué)生從小接受的就是封閉式的教育，灌輸式的教育。這樣是否會(huì)上學(xué)生的思維受限，我們又將如何提高學(xué)生的自主創(chuàng)新思維和能力呢？
尼爾森：Athome get them involved in family meetings where they learn to giveand receive compliments and to solve problems together. This helpsthem feel capable and innovative.
（譯)在家庭中，讓孩子參與家庭會(huì)議，他們得以從中學(xué)習(xí)給予和接受感謝，共同去解決問(wèn)題，這會(huì)幫助他們?nèi)ジ惺艿阶约旱哪芰εc創(chuàng)新。
3、提問(wèn):很早關(guān)注正面管教，面對(duì)孩子，我們可以給他很多，但是什么是他真正需要的，感謝您能給我關(guān)于0-1歲孩子要注意的地方不
尼爾森：Childrenneed to feel that they belong and that they are capable. PositiveDiscipline teaches many parenting tools to help accomplish this.You are welcome to learn more at the upcoming presentations inthree cities.
（譯）孩子需要感到有所歸屬，有能力。正面管教教給家長(zhǎng)這方面的技能和工具。歡迎到我在三地的講座了解更多。
4、提問(wèn)：手里拿的吃的和玩具，不樂(lè)意與身邊人分享，如何引導(dǎo)，讓孩子體會(huì)分享的樂(lè)趣？
尼爾森：Iwonder how old is the child? One suggestion is to let child decidein advance which toys she will share and let her put the othersaway.
（譯）我想知道孩子的年齡，一個(gè)建議就是讓孩子提前決定她愿意分享哪個(gè)玩具，其它不愿意分享可以拿開。
5、提問(wèn):寶寶快四歲了，最近很暴力啊，她做錯(cuò)事情都不能說(shuō)她，一說(shuō)她上來(lái)就給人一巴掌，該怎么管教呢
尼爾森：Isuggest a ritual at dinnertime of having everyone share a mistakethey made and what they learned from it. This way children learn tobe risk takers instead ofperfectionists.
（譯）當(dāng)孩子四歲時(shí)，大腦發(fā)育幫助他們善于解決問(wèn)題。我建議在晚餐時(shí)間請(qǐng)每個(gè)人分享他們犯的錯(cuò)誤和從中學(xué)到了什么。這樣孩子會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)承擔(dān)風(fēng)險(xiǎn)而不是做一個(gè)完美主義者。
6、提問(wèn):大部分的中國(guó)家長(zhǎng)，都會(huì)覺得自己的管教方式?jīng)]有太大問(wèn)題，如何讓他們了解到正面管教的優(yōu)越性，進(jìn)而對(duì)正面管教產(chǎn)生興趣呢？
尼爾森：Iwould never try to change anyone who is satisfied with what theyare doing. Positive Discipline is only for people who find ithelpful to them and to theirchildren.
（譯）對(duì)于滿意于自己做法的人，我不會(huì)試圖去改變他。正面管教僅僅針對(duì)相信它對(duì)家長(zhǎng)對(duì)孩子有幫助的人群。
7、提問(wèn):教育孩子是現(xiàn)在父母非常頭疼的問(wèn)題，如何才能輕松的管教呢？孩子的素質(zhì)真得是家庭的環(huán)境有直接的關(guān)系嗎？
尼爾森：Oneof the 5 Criteria for Positive Discipline tools is that they teachvaluable social and life skills for good character. Anothercriteria is that PD tools help children feel capable and to usetheir personal power in constructiveways.
（譯）正面管教的五大要素之一是培養(yǎng)孩子優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)的社會(huì)和生活技能。另一個(gè)要素是正面管教工具幫助孩子感到能力感，有建設(shè)性地使用個(gè)人力量。
8、提問(wèn):我家寶寶現(xiàn)在2歲2個(gè)月，他想要的東西，如果不給就哭，無(wú)論怎么跟他說(shuō)都不給，一直要到手才罷休！
尼爾森：Smartlittle guy. He is training you well. Try distracting him tosomething else. If he still cries, validate his feelings (and allowhim to have his feelings), but don’t give him everything he wants.He will learn that he can survivedisappointment.
聰明的小家伙，他把你訓(xùn)練的很好。試著用其它的事情轉(zhuǎn)移他的注意力，如果他還在哭，認(rèn)同他的感受（允許他有自己的感受），但不要滿足他，他將能夠?qū)W習(xí)到去應(yīng)對(duì)失望。
9、提問(wèn):你好，尼爾森博士，我家兒子1歲7個(gè)月了，每天早上我出門上班他都各種阻撓，而且大哭，我能感覺到對(duì)我離開的擔(dān)心，我天天出門前會(huì)跟他說(shuō)媽媽要上班了，可是他一聽這句話就大哭，我只好偷著溜走了，請(qǐng)問(wèn)我該怎么辦？
尼爾森：Itis typical for children this age to have separation anxiety. Aslong as he gets plenty of love when you are there, he will beokay.
（譯）這個(gè)年齡的孩子有分離焦慮是很典型的，只要你在時(shí)候能夠給他足夠多的愛，他就會(huì)沒(méi)事。
10、提問(wèn):寶寶快四歲了，最近很暴力啊，她做錯(cuò)事情都不能說(shuō)她，一說(shuō)她上來(lái)就給人一巴掌，該怎么管教呢
尼爾森：Isuggest a ritual at dinnertime of having everyone share a mistakethey made and what they learned from it. This way children learn tobe risk takers instead of perfectionists.
(譯）當(dāng)孩子四歲時(shí)，大腦神奇地發(fā)育到使他們善于解決問(wèn)題。我建議在晚餐時(shí)間請(qǐng)每個(gè)人分享他們犯的錯(cuò)誤和從中學(xué)到了什么。這樣孩子會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)承擔(dān)風(fēng)險(xiǎn)而不是做一個(gè)完美主義者。
11、提問(wèn):據(jù)我說(shuō)知，正面管教是一種既不懲罰也不嬌慣的管教方式。但如果在對(duì)待孩子時(shí)沒(méi)有任何的懲罰辦法，如何保證管教的效果呢？能用什么辦法來(lái)更好地管教孩子呢？實(shí)在很迷惑和好奇！
尼爾森：Ourclasses are all about sharing many parenting tools that are notpunitive or permissive. No one will give up what they are doingunless they know what else to do.
（譯）我們的課堂上會(huì)分享很多既不懲罰也不嬌慣的教養(yǎng)工具，沒(méi)有人會(huì)放棄他們正在做的除非他們知道還能做些什么。
12、您好,我的小孩是男孩,八歲,我怎樣可以培養(yǎng)他的幽默感?
尼爾森：Youcould start a ritual of having everyone tell a joke once a day atthe dinner table.
（譯）可以建立一個(gè)晚餐慣例，每天每人都講個(gè)笑話。
13、正面管教是生于美國(guó)，長(zhǎng)于美國(guó)的教育方法，如果移植到中國(guó)，會(huì)水土不服嗎？有沒(méi)有已經(jīng)在中國(guó)取得成功的案例呢？
尼爾森：ManyPositive Discipline Parent Educators are teaching classes and aresharing wonderful success stories.
（譯）很多正面管教講師在開辦家長(zhǎng)課堂，分享精彩的成功故事。
14、提問(wèn):什么是“正面教育”？我家寶貝快兩歲了，什么都好，就是特別喜歡一個(gè)人偷偷跑出去玩，有時(shí)不注意就找不著人了，害得我們擔(dān)心的要命，跟她好說(shuō)歹說(shuō)了好多次就是不聽，但又舍不得打，怎么辦？如何才能讓她改掉這個(gè)壞毛?。壳蠼獯?。。。
尼爾森：Two-year-oldsdo not have brain development to listen and be responsible. Youjust have to supervise closely and until he gets older—whichhappens faster than you think
（譯）兩歲孩子的大腦發(fā)育水平還不能讓她聽懂你說(shuō)的道理并且對(duì)此負(fù)責(zé)，你需要密切地看管直到她長(zhǎng)大一點(diǎn)，這一天比你想象的來(lái)得快
15、提問(wèn):4歲半的小朋友，有時(shí)候會(huì)因?yàn)橐患蛔阋灾匾暤男∈露鵁o(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭，這時(shí)候父母應(yīng)該如何進(jìn)行正面管教？
尼爾森：Weneed to allow children to have their feelings without trying torescue them. We can comfort them by validating their feelings, butthen have faith in them that they will feel capable when they workit through.
（譯）我們要不去解決，允許孩子有他們自己的感受，我們可以通過(guò)認(rèn)同他們的感受去安慰他們，然后對(duì)他們有信心相信他們可以自己去應(yīng)對(duì)。
16、提問(wèn):女兒三歲，馬上要迎來(lái)小弟弟的降生，但最近一兩個(gè)月開始有些反常，比如愛哭，黏媽媽等，怎么幫助她度過(guò)這個(gè)時(shí)期呢？
尼爾森：Sheis feeling “dethroned.” Hug her and hold her a lot until she getsso much she wants to pull away from you. I would share more aboutdethronement if I had more space.
（譯）她感覺自己的地位被推翻了，多給她擁抱，經(jīng)常抱她直到她想把你推開，如果這里有更多的空間我真希望能多談?wù)勥@個(gè)問(wèn)題。
17、提問(wèn):我家兒子三歲半，在苗苗園里吃飯做游戲都很乖，聽指揮，為什么在家里就一點(diǎn)不乖，吃飯也不好好吃，我們讓他做什么也不肯，罵他打他他還還手，這個(gè)該怎么辦呢
尼爾森：Itis important to understand child development and to learn the manyparenting skills that teach children to be respectful through kindand firm parenting. It takes time. There isn't a magicanswer.
（譯）非常重要的是了解孩子的生長(zhǎng)發(fā)育并且學(xué)習(xí)一些養(yǎng)育的技巧使孩子可以通過(guò)和善而堅(jiān)定去學(xué)會(huì)尊重，這要花些時(shí)間，沒(méi)有魔法。
18、提問(wèn): 我的孩子5歲，做事情總是拖拖拉拉，比如告訴她馬上就要出家門了，她一定要做些別的與出門無(wú)關(guān)的事，在大人的再三催促下，才肯放下手中的事情出發(fā)，怎么辦？
尼爾森：Thissounds like most 5-year-olds. It helps when you get her involved increating her own routine chart so she will be capable and want tofollow it. I will be sharing some examples during the publiclectures.
（譯）聽上去象個(gè)典型的五歲孩子的表現(xiàn)。和孩子一起建立一個(gè)日程表并且執(zhí)行會(huì)很有幫助。我在公共講座中會(huì)詳細(xì)講到，歡迎參加：5/18- 北京，5/25 - 上海，5/31 - 深圳
19、提問(wèn)：你好，Jane。女兒2歲半，規(guī)則秩序感比較強(qiáng)，和其他小朋友一起玩，看到他們不按規(guī)則玩，或者是跟她自己的玩法不一致，喜歡去勸說(shuō)阻止。人家不理她，就出手打人。和她說(shuō)過(guò)好多次不能打人，但是始終無(wú)效。該怎么處理？
尼爾森：Soundslike other children need to be protected around her. Eventually shewill learn to play cooperative or she won't have many friends, butI think she will have to learn this forherself.
（譯）聽起來(lái)和她玩的孩子都需要保護(hù)自己，最終她將學(xué)會(huì)合作或者她將不會(huì)有很多朋友，但是我想她要為自己去學(xué)習(xí)這些。
20、提問(wèn)：如果孩子迷戀上某些東西，比如某段時(shí)間突然喜歡一部電視，抱著電視或者ipad不放，如何才能幫助孩子戒掉這種壞習(xí)慣？
尼爾森：Theseare addictive. This is a common, and growing, concern for parents.Parents are in charge of what their children watch, what electronicdevices they have, and how much time is spent on them. Modelappropriate use.
（譯）這些確實(shí)讓孩子很上癮，也是一個(gè)普遍的，成長(zhǎng)中的問(wèn)題。父母掌握孩子看什么，擁有什么電子產(chǎn)品，花多少時(shí)間觀看，并以身作則對(duì)電子產(chǎn)品的正確使用。
我上午整理了一部分，下午準(zhǔn)備再寫的時(shí)候意外發(fā)現(xiàn)芷忻媽媽已經(jīng)整理好了。很全面，而且還把沒(méi)有翻譯的幾條翻譯好了。推薦給所有想了解正面管教的人！
原文地址：正面管教創(chuàng)始人簡(jiǎn)·尼爾森（Jane Nelsen）博士新浪微訪談提問(wèn)及回答匯總作者：little
此次匯總的是5月9日簡(jiǎn)·尼爾森在新浪微博上的微訪談的提問(wèn)和回答，有些回答微訪談頁(yè)面中沒(méi)有中文翻譯，我自行進(jìn)行了翻譯，翻譯不到位的地方，請(qǐng)諒解。
問(wèn)：正面管教是西方的教育方式，與中國(guó)的國(guó)情終究有所不同，博士了解中國(guó)嗎？
答：我來(lái)中國(guó)學(xué)習(xí)和交流。更多講座信息請(qǐng)登陸 www.joytoexcellence.com
I'm coming to China to learn and to teach. For more information go to: www.joytoexcellence.com
問(wèn): 當(dāng)家庭規(guī)則和其他孩子家庭規(guī)則不同，是否要堅(jiān)持？比如其他孩子在吃冰淇淋，而我們認(rèn)為不可以，如果堅(jiān)持孩子會(huì)很難過(guò)，如果例外孩子會(huì)不會(huì)覺得規(guī)則可以不遵守？
答：重要的是擁有家庭的價(jià)值觀并且保持靈活，當(dāng)你在別人家做客，拒絕別人提供的食物是不禮貌的，你可以在你自己家里堅(jiān)持你的價(jià)值觀。
It is important to have family values, and to be flexible. When at another's home, it might not be polite to refuse what is offered. You can maintain your own values in your own home.
問(wèn)：在袋鼠網(wǎng)看到有對(duì)您的介紹，請(qǐng)問(wèn)您是他們網(wǎng)站的專家嗎？他們引進(jìn)的是正規(guī)的正面管教視頻課程嗎？
答：是的，是我授權(quán)的。
Yes, it is authorized by me.
問(wèn)：簡(jiǎn)博士，剛才看到有媽媽提問(wèn)關(guān)于懷二寶，大寶生氣的事情，這個(gè)問(wèn)題真的希望您多談?wù)撘幌?，我女兒四歲了，我也曾考慮過(guò)，但是征求孩子意見的時(shí)候，得到了否定，她不希望有個(gè)同伴來(lái)和他分享媽媽的愛。這種表現(xiàn)正常嗎？
答：為什么問(wèn)她的意見？當(dāng)?shù)诙€(gè)孩子出生時(shí)，很多大點(diǎn)的孩子感到被“推下寶座”，但是他們會(huì)經(jīng)過(guò)這個(gè)階段，學(xué)習(xí)到父母對(duì)所有的孩子都有足夠的愛。如你所知，很多獨(dú)生子女被寵壞了。
Why would you ask her opinion? Most oldest children feel "dethroned" when a second child is born, but they get over it and learn than parents have enough love for all their children. As you may know, many only children become spoiled.
問(wèn)：朋友在做正面管教推廣時(shí)，她說(shuō)：她身邊的人對(duì)她的行為很質(zhì)疑。我本人認(rèn)為最需要正面管教的人群是：還沒(méi)有意識(shí)到自己的養(yǎng)育方式對(duì)孩子帶來(lái)的痛苦。對(duì)此您有什么好的建議嗎？
答：當(dāng)人們不想去學(xué)的時(shí)候我們不去教，我們只教給那些有興趣去學(xué)的人，人們會(huì)在合適的時(shí)候去學(xué)到他們能夠?qū)W到的。
We don't teach anyone who doesn't want to learn. We only teach those who are interested to learn. People take in what they can, when they can.
問(wèn):Jane，我個(gè)人覺得現(xiàn)在國(guó)內(nèi)正面管教講師水平參差不齊，有什么方法可以對(duì)講師進(jìn)行定期培訓(xùn)或測(cè)評(píng)嗎？
答：我們鼓勵(lì)正面管教的講師不必成為專家，而是帶領(lǐng)參與者通過(guò)互動(dòng)活動(dòng)去從自己的體驗(yàn)中去學(xué)習(xí)，很多年前我教授課程因?yàn)槲倚枰推渌斯餐瑢W(xué)習(xí)。
We encourage PD teachers not to be experts, but to lead participants in experiential activities and invite them to learn from their own experience. Years ago I taught classes because I needed to learn along with everyone else.
問(wèn)：四歲寶寶很喜歡和小朋友交朋友，但是有一天小朋友不和她玩得時(shí)候，她會(huì)很失落。這種情況該如何疏導(dǎo)？
答：你的寶寶有很好的社交技能，他很友善?。≌J(rèn)同寶寶的感受，它會(huì)過(guò)去的。有時(shí)候父母僅僅需要置身事外（讓孩子經(jīng)歷他自己的生活）。
Your child has good social skills to be so friendly! Validate her feelings and let it pass. Sometimes parents just need to stay out of the situation.
問(wèn)：我的小孩太害羞,別人看他,他就要馬上躲開,不敢和別人的目光對(duì)視,這個(gè)情況可以有什么方法逐漸改變嗎？
答：不要給孩子貼上害羞的標(biāo)簽，他可能以此來(lái)覺得自己很特殊，在家庭會(huì)議上告訴他他只要做自己就可以，同時(shí)培養(yǎng)他解決問(wèn)題的能力，讓他覺得自己很有能力，只不過(guò)是以不同的方式。
Avoid labeling him as shy. He may start using this as his way to feel special. Just let him be who he is while having family meetings to teach him problem-solving skills that will help him feel capable in other ways.
問(wèn)：你好，Jane。女兒2歲半，規(guī)則秩序感比較強(qiáng)，和其他小朋友一起玩，看到他們不按規(guī)則玩，或者是跟她自己的玩法不一致，喜歡去勸說(shuō)阻止。人家不理她，就出手打人。和她說(shuō)過(guò)好多次不能打人，但是始終無(wú)效。該怎么處理？
答：聽起來(lái)和她玩的孩子都需要保護(hù)自己，最終她將學(xué)會(huì)合作或者她將不會(huì)有很多朋友，但是我想她要為自己去學(xué)習(xí)這些。
Sounds like other children need to be protected around her. Eventually she will learn to play cooperative or she won't have many friends, but I think she will have to learn this for herself.
問(wèn)：孩子單獨(dú)和父母是很好，但一旦和其他小朋友在一起他們就會(huì)失控，比如在餐館追逐，說(shuō)臟話，聽不見父母說(shuō)話，怎么辦？
答：不說(shuō)只做，和善而堅(jiān)定的拉著他們的手，帶他們?nèi)ニ麄冊(cè)撊サ牡胤健?/div>
Don't talk--act. Take them by the hand and kindly and firmly lead them where they need to go.
問(wèn)：如果孩子迷戀上某些東西，比如某段時(shí)間突然喜歡一部電視，抱著電視或者ipad不放，如何才能幫助孩子戒掉這種壞習(xí)慣？
答：這些確實(shí)讓孩子很上癮，也是一個(gè)普遍的、成長(zhǎng)中的問(wèn)題。父母掌握孩子看什么，擁有什么電子產(chǎn)品，花多少時(shí)間觀看，并對(duì)電子產(chǎn)品的正確使用以身作則。
These are addictive. This is a common, and growing, concern for parents. Parents are in charge of what their children watch, what electronic devices they have, and how much time is spent on them. Model appropriate use.
問(wèn)：您好，我的孩子剛剛2歲，貌似脾氣挺大，一不高興了，就自己打自己，還用手撓自己，請(qǐng)問(wèn)有什么辦法引導(dǎo)一下么，謝謝？
答：很多問(wèn)題都是關(guān)于孩子發(fā)脾氣的，我在想是不是孩子習(xí)慣了為所欲為？也許家長(zhǎng)太和善而不能同時(shí)堅(jiān)定。
Lots of questions about children having temper tantrums. I wonder if children are used to getting their own way? Maybe parents are being too kind without being firm at the same time.
問(wèn)：三周歲的孩子，發(fā)脾氣的時(shí)候會(huì)打人，摔東西，要怎么引導(dǎo)正確的宣泄呢？
答：有很多方法，一個(gè)是認(rèn)同他的感受，另一個(gè)是告訴你的孩子你需要一個(gè)擁抱，我會(huì)在我這次的演講上分享一個(gè)很好的例子。
There are several things you can do. One is to validate here feelings. Another is to tell her you need a hug. I tell a good story about this during my lectures.
問(wèn): 你好，尼爾森博士，我家兒子1歲7個(gè)月了，每天早上我出門上班他都各種阻撓，而且大哭，我能感覺到對(duì)我離開的擔(dān)心，我天天出門前會(huì)跟他說(shuō)媽媽要上班了，可是他一聽這句話就大哭，我只好偷著溜走了，請(qǐng)問(wèn)我該怎么辦？
答：這個(gè)年齡的孩子有分離焦慮是很典型的，只要你在時(shí)候能夠給他足夠多的愛，他就會(huì)沒(méi)事。
It is typical for children this age to have separation anxiety. As long as he gets plenty of love when you are there, he will be okay.
問(wèn): 中國(guó)學(xué)生從小接受的就是封閉式的教育，灌輸式的教育。這樣是否會(huì)上學(xué)生的思維受限，我們又將如何提高學(xué)生的自主創(chuàng)新思維和能力呢？
答：在家庭中，讓孩子參與家庭會(huì)議，他們得以從中學(xué)習(xí)給予和接受感謝，共同去解決問(wèn)題，這會(huì)幫助他們?nèi)ジ惺艿阶约旱哪芰εc創(chuàng)新。
At home get them involved in family meetings where they learn to give and receive compliments and to solve problems together. This helps them feel capable and innovative.
問(wèn)：比較細(xì)節(jié)的問(wèn)題：孩子不好好吃飯（現(xiàn)象：不好好坐著，亂動(dòng)，不愛吃打死都不吃），晚上精神足（我們都困死了，他在床上亂竄）。注：孩子不到1周。謝謝。
答：如果你因?yàn)槌燥埡秃⒆舆M(jìn)行權(quán)力斗爭(zhēng)，他們總會(huì)贏，給孩子提供好的食物，讓他們自己決定是否吃。只要你不給他們很多糖，孩子需要吃（飯）他們就會(huì)吃。
If you have power struggles with children over eating they will always win. Offer good food and then leave the child alone. Children will eat what they need if they do not have sugar.
問(wèn)：?jiǎn)? 中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)的嚴(yán)管方法也有不錯(cuò)的成效?，F(xiàn)在的孩子非常容易被不良的東西吸引，那么，這樣稍顯柔軟的教育方式，在中國(guó)嚴(yán)教的大潮流下還有市場(chǎng)嗎？
答：當(dāng)家長(zhǎng)了解正面管教就會(huì)知道它不是軟弱而是和善和堅(jiān)定并行，只有堅(jiān)定是嚴(yán)格，只有和善是太軟弱，當(dāng)家長(zhǎng)能和善與堅(jiān)定并行，孩子就能學(xué)得最好。
答：Positive Discipline is not soft when parents understand that it is kind AND firm. Only firm is too strict. Only kind is too soft. Children learn best when parents are both at the same time.
問(wèn)：請(qǐng)問(wèn)四歲半孩子不會(huì)主動(dòng)分享怎樣引導(dǎo)?如何培養(yǎng)孩子逆商?
答：認(rèn)同感受是鼓勵(lì)孩子的一種方式，這可以幫助他們?nèi)ソⅰ澳嫔獭?，學(xué)會(huì)分享需要時(shí)間，打岔或轉(zhuǎn)移注意力會(huì)有幫助。
Validating feelings is one way to encourage children. It helps them build their "disappointment muscles." Learning to share takes time. Distracting and re-directing to another activity can help.
問(wèn)：我的孩子5歲，做事情總是拖拖拉拉，比如告訴她馬上就要出家門了，她一定要做些別的與出門無(wú)關(guān)的事，在大人的再三催促下，才肯放下手中的事情出發(fā)，怎么辦？
答：聽上去象個(gè)典型的五歲孩子的表現(xiàn)。和孩子一起建立一個(gè)慣例表（正面管教工具中的一種）并且執(zhí)行會(huì)很有幫助。我在公共講座中會(huì)詳細(xì)講到，歡迎參加。（5/18 - 北京，5/25 - 上海，5/31 - 深圳 ）
This sounds like most 5-year-olds. It helps when you get her involved in creating her own routine chart so she will be capable and want to follow it. I will be sharing some examples during the public lectures.
問(wèn)：我的寶寶三歲了，幼兒園適應(yīng)很好，但是在家里的獨(dú)立性特別差，尤其粘媽媽，動(dòng)不動(dòng)就哭，跟老人住一起，最近愛打人，告狀，怎么辦呢？
答：好的養(yǎng)育的一個(gè)標(biāo)志就是孩子在外面表現(xiàn)很好，但是在家庭里面有足夠的安全感去“測(cè)試”父母，告訴她該做什么而不是不該做什么，當(dāng)他打人，拉著她的手說(shuō)：“輕輕地?！薄?/div>
A sign of good parenting is when children behave well away from home but feel safe to “test” at home. Keep teaching him what to do instead of what not to do. When he hits, guide his hand and say, “Touch nicely.”
問(wèn)：女兒三歲，馬上要迎來(lái)小弟弟的降生，但最近一兩個(gè)月開始有些反常，比如愛哭，黏媽媽等，怎么幫助她度過(guò)這個(gè)時(shí)期呢？
答：她感覺自己的地位被推翻了，多給她擁抱，經(jīng)常抱她直到她想把你推開，如果這里有更多的空間我真希望能多談?wù)勥@個(gè)問(wèn)題。
She is feeling “dethroned.” Hug her and hold her a lot until she gets so much she wants to pull away from you. I would share more about dethronement if I had more space.
問(wèn)：4歲半的小朋友，有時(shí)候會(huì)因?yàn)橐患蛔阋灾匾暤男∈露鵁o(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭，這時(shí)候父母應(yīng)該如何進(jìn)行正面管教？
答：我們?cè)试S孩子有他們自己的感受而不是試圖去營(yíng)救他們（原文翻譯是：我們要不去解決，允許孩子有他們自己的感受）。我們可以通過(guò)認(rèn)同他們的感受去安慰他們，然后對(duì)他們有信心，相信他們可以自己去應(yīng)對(duì)。
We need to allow children to have their feelings without trying to rescue them. We can comfort them by validating their feelings, but then have faith in them that they will feel capable when they work it through.
問(wèn)：我家兒子三歲半，在苗苗園里吃飯做游戲都很乖，聽指揮，為什么在家里就一點(diǎn)不乖，吃飯也不好好吃，我們讓他做什么也不肯，罵他打他他還還手，這個(gè)該怎么辦呢？
答：非常重要的是了解孩子的生長(zhǎng)發(fā)育并且學(xué)習(xí)一些養(yǎng)育的技巧使孩子可以通過(guò)和善而堅(jiān)定去學(xué)會(huì)尊重，這要花些時(shí)間，沒(méi)有魔法。
It is important to understand child development and to learn the many parenting skills that teach children to be respectful through kind and firm parenting. It takes time. There isn't a magic answer.
問(wèn)：正面管教引入中國(guó)后深受中國(guó)的媽媽的推崇，很多媽媽為了更好的使用正面管教工具甚至都考取了正面管教講師資質(zhì)。在正面管教在中國(guó)飛速發(fā)展的同時(shí)必然會(huì)有競(jìng)爭(zhēng)，這里你有什么建議嗎？謝謝您。
答：正面管教教授尊重、責(zé)任和貢獻(xiàn)等生活的技能，個(gè)人及社會(huì)均需要這些技能去發(fā)展。
PD teaches life skills such as respect, responsibility and contribution. These are skills needed for individuals and societies to thrive.
問(wèn)：您好,我的小孩是男孩,八歲,我怎樣可以培養(yǎng)他的幽默感?
答：可以建立一個(gè)晚餐慣例，每天在餐桌上每人都講個(gè)笑話。
You could start a ritual of having everyone tell a joke once a day at the dinner table.
問(wèn)：據(jù)我說(shuō)知，正面管教是一種既不懲罰也不嬌慣的管教方式。但如果在對(duì)待孩子時(shí)沒(méi)有任何的懲罰辦法，如何保證管教的效果呢？能用什么辦法來(lái)更好地管教孩子呢？實(shí)在很迷惑和好奇！
答：我們的課堂上會(huì)分享很多既不懲罰也不嬌慣的教養(yǎng)工具，沒(méi)有人會(huì)放棄他們正在做的除非他們知道還能做些什么。
Our classes are all about sharing many parenting tools that are not punitive or permissive. No one will give up what they are doing unless they know what else to do.
問(wèn)：我家寶寶現(xiàn)在2歲2個(gè)月，他想要的東西，如果不給就哭，無(wú)論怎么跟他說(shuō)都不給，一直要到手才罷休！
答：聰明的小家伙，他把你訓(xùn)練得很好。試著用其它的事情轉(zhuǎn)移他的注意力，如果他還在哭，認(rèn)同他的感受（允許他有自己的感受），但不要滿足他，他將能學(xué)習(xí)到去應(yīng)對(duì)失望。
Smart little guy. He is training you well. Try distracting him to something else. If he still cries, validate his feelings, but don’t give him everything he wants. He will learn that he can survive disappointment.
問(wèn)：我的女兒5歲半女孩，玩起來(lái)時(shí)情緒會(huì)難以自控，興奮會(huì)過(guò)頭，有時(shí)會(huì)打我一下然后跑開告訴同伴并哈哈大笑，想問(wèn)孩子打大人一下給同伴看是什么意思，如何讓她玩時(shí)情緒能控制自如，別太興奮了有些過(guò)。
答：這就是我們建議召開家庭會(huì)議的原因之一，學(xué)習(xí)如何一起去解決問(wèn)題。來(lái)聽我的講座能了解更多。（這句沒(méi)有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
This is one of the reasons we suggest family meetings, to learn how to solve problems together. Come learn more at one of the lectures I am giving.
問(wèn)：家長(zhǎng)作為孩子的第一任老師，對(duì)孩子樹立正確的世界觀、人生觀、價(jià)值觀都有舉足輕重的作用。相比于美國(guó)，您覺得中國(guó)的應(yīng)試教育應(yīng)如何改進(jìn)？正面管教體系能否在中國(guó)實(shí)行？
答：不管在什么樣的教育體制下，孩子都能從家庭里學(xué)到培養(yǎng)優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)的社會(huì)和生活技能。
No matter what the education system is like, children can learn valuable social and life skills for good character at home.
問(wèn)：教育孩子是現(xiàn)在父母非常頭疼的問(wèn)題，如何才能輕松的管教呢？孩子的素質(zhì)真得是家庭的環(huán)境有直接的關(guān)系嗎？
答：）正面管教的五大要素之一是培養(yǎng)孩子優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)的社會(huì)和生活技能。另一個(gè)要素是正面管教工具幫助孩子感到能力感，有建設(shè)性地使用個(gè)人力量。
One of the 5 Criteria for Positive Discipline tools is that they teach valuable social and life skills for good character. Another criteria is that PD tools help children feel capable and to use their personal power in constructive ways.
問(wèn)：大部分的中國(guó)家長(zhǎng)，都會(huì)覺得自己的管教方式?jīng)]有太大問(wèn)題，如何讓他們了解到正面管教的優(yōu)越性，進(jìn)而對(duì)正面管教產(chǎn)生興趣呢？
答：對(duì)于滿意于自己做法的人，我不會(huì)試圖去改變他。正面管教僅僅針對(duì)相信它對(duì)家長(zhǎng)對(duì)孩子有幫助的人群。
I would never try to change anyone who is satisfied with what they are doing. Positive Discipline is only for people who find it helpful to them and to their children.
問(wèn)：正面管教是生于美國(guó)，長(zhǎng)于美國(guó)的教育方法，如果移植到中國(guó)，會(huì)水土不服嗎？有沒(méi)有已經(jīng)在中國(guó)取得成功的案例呢？
答：很多正面管教講師在開辦家長(zhǎng)課堂，分享精彩的成功故事。
Many Positive Discipline Parent Educators are teaching classes and are sharing wonderful success stories.
問(wèn)：請(qǐng)問(wèn)怎樣才算正面管教？有沒(méi)有相關(guān)的正面管教視頻課程借鑒一下經(jīng)驗(yàn)？
答：我希望你來(lái)參加我的講座，你將會(huì)見到很多接受過(guò)家長(zhǎng)培訓(xùn)課程的人。在線課程可在袋鼠網(wǎng)上觀看，更多課程將會(huì)錄制成視頻。（這句也沒(méi)有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
I hope you will attend one of my lectures where you will meet many people who are trained to teach parenting classes in China. Online classes are available on Kangaroo and more are being filmed.
問(wèn)：4歲男孩，小班，在幼兒園玩具時(shí)，如果其它小朋友玩他正在玩具，他會(huì)先說(shuō)“我在玩，你等我玩好了你再玩”，但其它小朋友不等就要搶他的玩具，于是他就用吼叫，大聲喊叫這樣的方式把小朋友嚇走，我該怎樣去引導(dǎo)他解決這樣的問(wèn)題呢？
答：在這個(gè)年齡，成人監(jiān)督的關(guān)鍵是：維護(hù)其安全并引導(dǎo)孩子學(xué)習(xí)解決問(wèn)題的技巧如輪流玩。這需要他們花一段時(shí)間去學(xué)習(xí)，就如學(xué)習(xí)說(shuō)話一樣。（這句也沒(méi)有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
At this age, adult supervision is critical: to maintain safety and guide children to learn problem solving skills such as taking turns. This takes a while for them to learn, just like talking.
問(wèn)：經(jīng)過(guò)您的指點(diǎn)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)有時(shí)候解決親子問(wèn)題可以很簡(jiǎn)單，但是對(duì)于母親繞出“固執(zhí)不良的思維定式”真的有點(diǎn)兒難。
答：對(duì)大多數(shù)父母來(lái)說(shuō)這是個(gè)挑戰(zhàn)。我們不能控制好我們的行為卻想我們的孩子能控制好他們的行為。（這句沒(méi)有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
It is challenging for most parents. We want our children to control their behavior when we don't control our own behavior.
問(wèn): 什么是“正面教育”？我家寶貝快兩歲了，什么都好，就是特別喜歡一個(gè)人偷偷跑出去玩，有時(shí)不注意就找不著人了，害得我們擔(dān)心的要命，跟她好說(shuō)歹說(shuō)了好多次就是不聽，但又舍不得打，怎么辦？如何才能讓她改掉這個(gè)壞毛??？求解答。
答：兩歲孩子的大腦發(fā)育水平還不能讓她聽懂你說(shuō)的道理并且對(duì)此負(fù)責(zé)，你需要密切地看管直到她長(zhǎng)大一點(diǎn)，這一天比你想象的來(lái)得快。
Two-year-olds do not have brain development to listen and be responsible. You just have to supervise closely and until he gets older—which happens faster than you think.
問(wèn): 寶寶快四歲了，最近很暴力啊，她做錯(cuò)事情都不能說(shuō)她，一說(shuō)她上來(lái)就給人一巴掌，該怎么管教呢？
答：當(dāng)孩子四歲時(shí)，大腦神奇地發(fā)育到使他們善于解決問(wèn)題。我建議在晚餐時(shí)間請(qǐng)每個(gè)人分享他們犯的錯(cuò)誤和從中學(xué)到了什么。這樣孩子會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)承擔(dān)風(fēng)險(xiǎn)而不是做一個(gè)完美主義者。
I suggest a ritual at dinnertime of having everyone share a mistake they made and what they learned from it. This way children learn to be risk takers instead of perfectionists.
問(wèn)：“kind” 與“too much permissive”的最核心的區(qū)別界限如何簡(jiǎn)要概括？謝謝您！
答：如果家長(zhǎng)只有和善那就可能會(huì)縱容，和善與堅(jiān)定并行很重要。舉個(gè)例子：我愛你，但我的回答是：“不可以?！保ㄟ@句沒(méi)有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
It could be permissive if parents are only kind. It is important to be both kind and firm. For example: I love you, and the answer is, "No."
問(wèn)：很早關(guān)注正面管教，面對(duì)孩子，我們可以給他很多，但是什么是他真正需要的，感謝您能給我關(guān)于0-1歲孩子要注意的地方不？
答：孩子需要感到有所歸屬，有能力。正面管教教給家長(zhǎng)這方面的技能和工具。歡迎到我在三地的講座了解更多。
Children need to feel that they belong and that they are capable. Positive Discipline teaches many parenting tools to help accomplish this. You are welcome to learn more at the upcoming presentations in three cities.
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